Police See the Light
on Family Violence
© Peter Zohrab 2002
In a great breakthrough in the war on Feminist lies
and half-truths, the Hutt/
Kapiti District of the New Zealand Police Managers' Guild Trust published
(in October 2001) a 56-page booklet on Family Violence which included a section
on violence against men ! This could be
as a result of my published criticism of an
earlier advertisement by them.
Previously, the Police Managers' Guild had taken the standard male-bashing
line on Domestic Violence, as I show in my book, "Sex,
Lies & Feminism", where I state:
'an advertisement, entitled "Family Violence is a crime," and authorised
by Brian Hartley, President of the Police Managers' Guild, appeared in a daily
newspaper. The advertisement mentioned only women and children victims of
this crime, and omitted any mention of the possibility that men could also
be victims of Family Violence. Not only is this a sexist advertisement in
its own right, but it is also frightening testimony to how little chance men
have of being treated fairly by the Justice system as far as Domestic/Family
Violence is concerned.'
Now, the approach seems to have changed markedly, as can be seen:
Victims Not Just Women and Children
(Excerpt from Family Violence: "don't let your child be a victim",
New Zealand Police Managers' Guild Trust, October 2001)
"Violence inflicted on men by women? It's an often untold story. Men
sometimes feel as if they can't talk about it when it happens and they can
feel helpless to do anything because it might not be believed. However,
an increasing number of New Zealand males, some represented by an increasingly
vocal network of men's groups, insist that men get abused in relationships,
too. They demand that society acknowledge violence against them by the women
in their lives.
Indeed, the Domestic Violence Act, 1995, gives them the same protection
that it does women. Men can swear an affidavit and they can apply for a
protection order against a violent partner. Female violence, like abuse
by males, is also controlling. It causes physical, sexual or psychological
damage or causes a man to live in fear.
Physical and sexual violence are the most obvious forms of assault.
Pushing, biting, hitting, punching and using a weapon are all forms of
violence. Forcing someone to participate in sex is violence. Threats are
a form of violence. Other forms of violence used by women include:
- unsafe driving; destroying possessions;
- insulting or humiliating him publicly;
- making him think he's crazy or stupid;
- controlling his money;
- isolating him from friends or family;
- hurting children or pets;
- treating him like a servant;
- threatening murder or suicide; drugging him;
- threatening to betray secrets in front of employers or family;
- creating a sense of impending punishment.
Men often say these are the most insidious forms of violence and abuse
because they are difficult to explain and are often regarded as "ordinary
If you have been in a violent relationship you might have some of the
- afraid to tell anyone, depressed or humiliated;
- afraid you have failed as a lover;
- furious that she could do or say what she did;
- confused because sometimes she is loving and kind;
- guilty about leaving her or scared of coping alone;
- frustrated and sad because you tried everything;
- afraid of continued violence if you leave;
- panicked that you might lose your male identity outside a relationship;
- worried abour your financial security;
- made to believe that you deserved it.
It might be helpful to look at some of the ways you've coped until
- you have been careful about what you say, when you say things and how
you say them;
- you have tried to talk to her about her stress, drug use or moods;
- you have given up doing anything likely to upset her;
- you adapt your behaviour to what she says she wants;
- you tried to make agreements or set boundaries.
Men should never think their partner's violence is their fault. Just
as men make a choice to be violent against their partners, and maybe the
children in the relationship, so do women. She chooses whether she will
slap a man's face because he said something she didn't like. She chooses
whether she will lash out and scream at the family because she is feeling
If men's violence against women is unacceptable and without excuse, shouldn't
women's be? All violence has damaging consequences. A man's belief in his
worth and his sense of having rights and choices becomes eroded by constant
abuse. There are many common beliefs about why women choose to be violent:
"she had a sad or traumatic childhood", "she drinks or uses drugs", "she
has trouble expressing her feelings", "she is oppressed as a woman , she
can't control her anger", "something about you drives her to violence".
These are excuses. We all experience stress, trauma, anger and fear,
hut a violent woman chooses to use violence to control and get her own way
just as a violent man does. "I never believed she'd abuse me." Many men
don't realise that a woman's violent behaviour to them is domestic violence.
They might not have believed until recently that women's behaviour, such
as described above, could be called violent. If a man feels scared and unsafe
in his partner's presence something is wrong. He is the best judge of how
safe he is.
Some men simply don't want to admit that they are afraid of their partner
- somehow it doesn't seem "manly" for a Kiwi bloke to admit that he lives
with someone who is violent to him. Police officers acknowledge that men
probably don't report violence when they otherwise could.
How to help
People can help by:
- supporting the right of all couples to live safely;
- becoming informed about violence within relationships;
- passing comment if you witness behaviour you believe is abusive or
- listening to, believing, and supporting a man who confides in you;
- ask "how can I help?" or "what can you do to make yourself safer?"'
How to order more free copies...
To order more copies of this Hutt/Kapiti Police District
Family Violence prevention publication simply fill out your details
on this form and fax or post to Line 2 Line Concepts Ltd.
Or you can download a copy free from the internet from:
Published by Line 2 Line Concepts Ltd.
PO. Box 11 638, Wellington.
Fax 04-801 0841 Tel 04-801 0840
No. of copies:
For more than 10 copies please supply a physical address
28 March 2016